


Natari [ON HOLD, SCHOOL SUCKS AT THE MOMENT]

by ohyoullbebaccc



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: F/M, This is Bad, turn away now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:54:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25606174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohyoullbebaccc/pseuds/ohyoullbebaccc
Relationships: Nate Heywood/Zari Tomaz | Zari Tarazi, Nora Darhk/Ray Palmer, Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [smoaknsnow6](https://archiveofourown.org/users/smoaknsnow6/gifts).



_ NATE’S “NOTEBOOK” _

_ DO NOT PEAKK _

_ So, first of all, this is not my diary. This is like a lifelog. Yeah, so from now on, I will be writing some of my experiences here. _

_ Nathaniel Heywood, OUT. _

_ - _

_ - _

_ “Zari” _

_ So, today is October 24, 2017. Well, technically, we just came from 2042, but yeah. We just met a new friend, and POSSIBLY, a new member of the Legends, and I am a bit excited. :D Her name is Zari Tomaz, she seems friendly. But she is a bit grumpy. _

_ She tried killing us with ARGUS drones and sold the other Legends out to believing her brother was still in ARGUS. And supposedly, they were supposed to break him out in exchange for her help on the team. But instead, she stole something from ARGUS, a totem of her brother’s. _

_ But she’ll come through sooner or later, I just know it. Some part of me just wants her to stay, you know? I just think we’d be good friends. _

_ Oh, by the way, a while back, I tried helping Amaya with her “nightmares” and uh. I got a little… sorta drunk-ish. I think I may have made an absolute fool of myself. Maybe I should never have drunk that Lyoga Root. But I think it helped Amaya, so I guess it’s worth it. _

_ And we almost died! Sara nearly collided the time ship with the other time ship, which belongs to the Time Bureau... Remind me to NEVER IN MY LIFE mess with Sara.  _

_ Well, Ray and Amaya need me for something, probably for some theories in the mission, some woman who bears the ‘water totem.’  _

_ I should go, talk to you- _

_ Or, uhm, write to you later. :)  _

_ Nathaniel Heywood, OUT. _

-

-

I smile, taking a handful of Ruffles. “…Mom? Dad never talks about her anymore.” I close the book, and dying in curiosity, I find my dad. NEVER in his life has his father talked about mom like this, or at least, he  _ avoids _ the topic. When I was little, he used to tell me stories about my mom, but he hardly does now.

I guess it’s something sensitive to him. Shrugging, I put the book close to my chest and walk down the hallway carrying my bag of Ruffles. “Pops!”

Dad screams from his office. “WHAT? I’m WORKING.”

Working? Or playing Castle Crashers? I sigh. Ever since my dad got fired from his job, some Time Bureau or something, he got his lazy butt in front of my PlayStation and started playing  _ my  _ games. YES. MY. GAMES.

The good news is, he doesn’t eat my Ruffles. Anything but my Ruffles. My lovely, beautiful, delicious Ruffles. He says he prefers Doritos. I mean, are you kidding me?

“DAD, I FOUND SOMETHING OF YOURS.”

Since I had the diary  _ and  _ my Ruffles on hand, I smash the door, seeing nothing but pitch-black darkness. Dad hisses, putting  _ my _ controller on the ground. “Close the door, will you?!”

I look at my dad, with his usual robe and shorts. He hasn’t gotten out of his room for a few days now, and even from a mile away, you can tell he hasn’t taken a bath yet and, I’m pretty sure he’s starting to grow a beard.

I glance at the door on the ground. “Yeah, no. It’s broken. I’m paying for it, d-don’t worry about it.”

My dad groans, burying his face in his hands. “ZeeZee… It’s too bright here, close the light...”

“First of all, no. Never use that nickname  _ ever _ again. And second, I can hardly see anything, pops, so don’t tell me that nonsense.” I open the curtains, causing dad to flinch. “TURNN IT OOFFF, ZeeZee-”

“Stop with the nickname. My name is Zayden Heywood, not- not, ZeeZee. Stop it.”

Dad stands up, smiling, he rubs his eyes. “Nonsense, here, give me a hug!” I move away. “No, thank you, but you stink,  _ and  _ you might ruin my Ruffles.” I grip my Ruffles tighter.

Dad sighs, sitting back on his bean bag. Taking the controller, he glances at me. “What did you want to show me?”

Oh yeah. The diary. “Wait, let me just-” I kiss my Ruffles before placing it on the nearest desk. “Here.” I throw his diary away in his direction, but dad? Dad fails miserably to catch it. I cough a little violently.

Dad looks at me, then his diary, backing away a bit. “You got Corona or something?”

I scoff. Seriously, one little cough and people would think that I’m infected. They would just back away the  _ miles  _ from me. I mean, dude, is it that bad? It’s not my fault that I have allergies.

“Ha. Ha. Good one.” I wave my hands nonchalantly. I just want him to read the book. This is taking way too long. “Please just take a look at it.”

Dad opens his diary, and when he sees the first page, his smile falters. It's like I was talking to another version of him. Seriousness just swallows him as soon as he sees the book. "Hey, Z, w-where'd you find this?"

I shrug. "I mean, you keep a lot of stuff in the basement, so I thought it would be a good idea to search around, you know?"

Grabbing my bag of Ruffles, I waited for dad to respond. 

He shakes his head. "You should have never brought it here, ZeeZee."

I raise an eyebrow. "Can you just tell me more about mom?"

He shoves the book into my hands. "Throw it away. We don't need it anymore."

I cross my arms. "What?! Don't ignore the question, this is yours, you need it!"

"I don't." I watch him unpause my game and grab my controller. "Not anymore."

I scoff. "Don't be such a baby! Look at you you're a fricking mess dad! I just want to know more about my mom. Why can't you just respect that instead of being so ignorant? Try to get a life sometimes, maybe a job. Right now, you look pitiful-"

"I don't know how to let her go, okay?" Dad shouts out, as he stands up, tensed. He throws away the controller. "She's gone, and I don't know how to deal with it."

Flinching was the only response I could give before I could process everything he said.

When I was younger, I used to think that my mom was somewhere out there. Living her life away from her adopted son and husband, because she thought we weren't worth it. And I learned to deal with it.

But from the way dad said it, it doesn't feel like she just moved towns. It feels like dad saying she's passed away. Which isn't possible, she's here. She has to be alive. I grip the book tighter. "W-what are you trying to say-"

Dad gasps. "Can I make a reference to that-" Okay, he's back. Regular, cheesy, referencing dad is back.

I cross my arms. "What, how is it-"

Dad gets up from his bean bag. ""I've been listening to musicals, have you heard of In The Heig-" 

"THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO BE REFERENCING MUSICALS DAD." I bury my face in my hands. This has gone incredibly sideways. I just wanted to know more about my mom, but instead, here I am, fighting with my dad. 

Calm down, act mature. No need to fight... I sigh. "W-what happened to mom?"

Dad slumps back on his bean bag. which, by the way, was the only thing he owned in this room. I mean, other than the furniture, of course. "She's gone."

“W-what do you mean? She’s not. She moved away, right? That’s not possible. S-she’s still here. You’re lying. This is all a dream. I-I’m just dreaming. Dad?!” I sit on the floor hugging my knees and my Ruffles. I might have been crushing them too. 

But as heartbreaking as this might sound, they weren’t much of importance right now. Yeah, I know, right? Heartbreaking. Because I just learned that my father has been lying to me about everything he told me about my mother.

I look at my dad, guilt was written all over his face. His eyes filled with tears.

I sigh. So much for being mature. Wiping a tear off my face, I look at my dad. "Please talk to me when you learn not to lie about someone that means so much to me. It hurts. A lot."

Maybe you'd call me a bit dramatic, but I ran away after that.

It just felt like the right thing to do, you know?

Dad runs after me. "Z! Come back, hey!!" 

The wind hits, my face as soon as I step outside. And since everything hated me today, it was also raining. Perfect, just perfect. And, there was still a pandemic going on. You are just so good at this Z. Amazing.

My clothes were starting to get soaked. I was wearing shorts today, and one of my favorite t-shirts. It read "...no, go away." Which, ironically, matches my mood right now.

I don't look behind me, mostly because I didn't want to get hit by a truck or something, but it was also a bit hurtful to look back.

After a few minutes, the sound of steps started to lower, so I assume he gave up on me. I chuckle faintly. "How surprising"

I continue to walk away, further away from my house. God, dad's gonna kill me. I think I overreacted. Did I? I mean, dad was also being a bit stubborn...

Somehow, I ended up carrying my bag off Ruffles and the book about a few houses away from the Palmer's. Which was like, a neighborhood away from mine.

Out of breath, I walk a few more steps. "There it is."

I look at the house in front of me. It was your typical home sweet home compared to mine.

Two stories. It was painted baby blue which complemented the white accent. There was your tire swing in the tree, even the random soccer ball lying around.

I walk towards the front porch, smiling. It's been so long since I've been here, and even talked to them. I mean, at least I got some exercise, right?

Taking a deep breath, I knock on the door. "Here we go." I grip onto my things harder. 

Uncle Ray opens the door smiling. "Hello- Woah! Zayden? A-Are you okay?" 

I grin at him, giving him a hug. "Yes, uncle."

He hugs back. "W-well, let's get you inside, shall we? You're really soaked in the rain."

I nod, chuckling a bit. "Thank you."

He pats me on the shoulder. "You're welcome anytime, Zayden."


	2. Chapter 2

Ok, this comfortable, to the point that it's not comfortable anymore.

I’m wearing new clothes, more specifically, Seth's clothes or uh, pajamas. My cousin. Great guy, just quiet. Really, really quiet.

I’m wrapped in a blanket, with a cup of hot cocoa, cross-legged. My stuff is in front of me, placed on the coffee table.

We are currently in the living room sitting on the sofa. Well, Auntie Nora’s washing dishes, but you get the point.

I got here as soon as they finished dinner. Which I find weird. I mean. dinner? It's like 5 pm here. Well, I guess they have their reasons.

Everyone on the sofa was doing their stuff. Uncle Ray was constantly checking on me, Seth was reading a book, and Aria was playing with her dolls. Seth and Aria are, of course, siblings. Seth is 17 and Aria is 6.

Yes, Seth is older than me. I am fifteen, well, sixteen on July 23.

Uncle Ray looks around, smiling. “The house didn’t change much last time you visited, huh? We just don't like renovations much.”

Aria giggles. “Daddy and mommy never get along when it comes to the house...” Seth nods, flipping pages of his… math book? This guy just never stops studying, does he?

Uncle Ray scoffs, maybe a little too loudly. “We do not! Nora tell them, tell your children!”

Aunt Nora shakes his head. “It’s true, Ray.” Uncle Ray slumps on the sofa, whining. “Nora--”

Aunt Nora finishes the dishes, smiling at her husband. “…”

Seth rolls his eyes, probably because of his father’s childishness. “Somebody change the subject, please.”

I mean, I won’t lie. Uncle Ray has always been the childish one among my uncles. Uncle Constantine is just creepy, Uncle Mick is too scary, Uncle Jax is always busy, and Uncle Rip is… uhm, gone.

Aria beams, nodding at her brother. “Cousin, what are you doing here? Don’t you have any other place to be?”

Seth adjusts his glasses, flipping another page. “Well, that is just straight up rude.”

I nod, sipping my hot, that was now as cold as the pouring rain outside, cocoa. I’m a bit taken aback and offended too, by the way. Not to mention, I don’t know if she’s even trying to be mean or not. “…and that smile just straight up intimidated me too.”

Seth nods. “Mhm.”

Uncle Ray gives Aria a sympathetic smile, probably because she’s questioning her very existence right now.

Nah, I’m joking. She’s just a bit confused about what we’re talking about. She didn’t really get the whole ‘rude’ thing.

I shift positions on the sofa, taking a deep breath. “Well, I’m just here because I just needed a bit of space from dad. Is it… Is it okay if I stay here for the night?”

Aunt Nora sits down beside me, putting her arm around me. “Sure, you’re always welcome here. ZeeZee.” Uncle Ray nods, beaming almost as bright as the sun. I swear, I almost went blind. “Yeah!”

They didn’t ask about the whole ‘space from dad’ thing. Which I feel relieved about. I guess they knew it would upset me.

Aria stands up picking all her dolls from the ground. “Mommy, I’m going to sleep.” Aunt Nora nods. “Sure, I’ll come with you, baby.”

Aira smiles, still holding her dolls waiting for her mom. “Sure mama.” Aunt Nora kisses Uncle on the cheek. “I’ll be back later.”

Uncles Ray nods, smiling shyly. “Okay.”

I suppress a smile. Uncle Ray and Aunt Nora have been together for so long, but the fact that Uncle Ray is still shy around Aunt makes me feel so warm-y. NOT IN A WEIRD WAY. I just want someone like that in the future. Someone who’d actually love me for who I am, not for who picked me out as a child.

My mom picked me from the hundreds of children in the orphanage when I was four, and let me tell you, it changed my life. They gave me so much joy.

Well, it was the best moments of my non-existing life, that was until she went away. Gone. WOOSH.

I’m pretty sure dad only kept me by his side was because I reminded him of her. My mom. I sigh, putting away my cup of room temperature cocoa. Let’s not talk about dad today. It’s too good of a day.

“Hey Uncle, wanna play a game of Mario Kart?” I say with a sly smile, putting away the blanket. Uncle Ray scoffs playfully. “Like you’d ever beat me, kid.”

Ok, the embarrassing thing about me? I suck at video games, which means I suck at Mario Kart. That’s mostly why dad uses it more than me. I just like more outdoorsy stuff. Hm. Sort of like an extrovert.

“I’m gonna beat you today.” I nudge Seth. “Wanna join?”

Seth scoffs, fixing his glasses again. “Let’s make this quick.”

  


Nate’s Point of View [or just quite literally, P.O.V.]:

  


I look at the gravestone in front of me. Smiling halfheartedly, I put the flowers I bought on the way here next to them. “Hey there.”

It looked the same, exactly just how I left it. Except now, everything is wet because of the rain, and to add to it, there's still a pandemic going on. But none of those mattered right now.

“It’s uh. It’s been a long time since I’ve been here, huh? I hope you’re doing good up there… I just, uh wanted to visit you.”

I scoff. I even stopped visiting her. Bad husband AND father, I guess. “I need to find ZeeZee. We fought, and I guess, I was being a bit stubborn.” I chuckle. “It was about you. He just, he wanted to know more about you, a-and I…” I look at the ground. “I got mad at him, for nothing...”

I bury my face with my hands. I am such a bad father, I mean, I can’t even take care of my son.

I smile faintly. My clothes were getting wet at this point, because of my stupidity not to use an umbrella. “You just had to leave me here, didn’t you? I don’t know how to do this Z, not without you.” I chuckle. “I-”

“That should have been me.” I shake my head. “It should have been…” I wipe away a tear. “I need you back here with me, I can’t do this.”

I sigh, looking at the gravestone. “How did you do this, Z? You told me this was going to be easy. Just give him water, food, and a life. Treat him exactly how I’d treat myself. What-What else have I not done? I’ve tried everything-”

My voice cracks halfway through. This was just a stupid decision we made when we were in our twenties. I never signed up for this. I can’t do this alone. “Zari… Please come back...”

I slump on the ground next to her gravestone, slightly leaning on it. “Zayden.” I chuckle. “He’s just like you. He’s fun, energetic, he loves donuts, and he’s really sarcastic too. He reminds me so much about you. It’s so painful... I see you in him when he smiles. When he talks, he has the same sassy-friendly tone as you.”

“…” I look at the sky. God, it was still raining.

I look at the gravestone one more time before standing up. “I have to go. Someone might arrest me for being outside without having a mask or something…” I smile faintly. Things have gotten pretty bad since you left, and I’m starting to wonder if the world was upset because of it.

I place a piece of paper, or might I say, a crumpled letter that I wrote to her a few years back next to her flowers. “I love you, never forget that. No matter how much of a mess this family is, I love you.”

Looking back at the road ahead of me, I take a deep breath. This is gonna be a long road to walk on. But this is for her and Zayden, so I have to at least try.

First of all, I have to make things right.


	3. That One Crumpled Paper Nate Left

_**Dear wife in heaven,** _

_**How are you? I’m okay.**_ | {(([Guess I wasn’t much help yesterday. Sorry, I’m a sucker for Newsies. :') ]))} |

_**Can you see us from up there? If you can, that’s great. Because we need your help.** _

_**You never left instructions on how to raise a child. I’m struggling to help him grow up, and along with that, you left our child with a lot of problems. He’s trying his best to learn and to move on, but he terribly misses you. We miss you a lot. You left us with a lot of anxieties, and we don’t know where to start our lives without you. I wish you were still here with us.** _

_**Ever since you left us, everything has been quiet in the house. It feels like something is missing from our lives. We’re trying to find it, find that missing piece together. But it’s impossible since you’re that one missing piece. We’re trying. We’re on a very trying relationship here. We try to get along, but it’s so hard. You were the one that always resolved anything. We hardly talk now.** _

_**Oh, and he’s 7. He’s growing up so fast, huh? I’m so proud of him. _It feels like it was just yesterday we adopted him. Gosh, all those memories.**_

_**But at the same time, I’m scared for him. He’s growing distant, and I don’t know what to do. I’m doing everything you did.** _

_**I fed him, bathed him, put a roof over him, and paid for his education. What else have I not done?** _

_**You told me to love him with all my heart, but what if my heart was still in pieces?** _

_**You told me to take care of him, but what if I can’t even take care of myself right now?** _

_**How do I tell him to move forward, when I can’t even move forward myself?** _

_**And how do I take this parenting thing seriously, when I see myself in this kid, full of anxieties and problems?** _

_**Zari, you left us with such a big responsibility, I don’t know what to do with it. Do I keep trying? Or do I let this thing go?** _

_**I tried everything. If you can see us, please help.** _

_**From your husband on earth,** _

_**N. Heywood** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh, and read this. this was sort of the inspiration for this:  
> https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/a-plant-called-milo-h/list?title_no=433168  
> check out her yt channel too, she's amazing :))

**Author's Note:**

> *screms*


End file.
